Surrender

Once, during my school days, my teacher asked me about my aim in life. I told him that my aim was to be a happy person. He huffed, “Well, We all want to be happy, but it is not our aim, what profession do you  want to join in  future?” I was confounded. “I want to be an Engineer,” I said , only to avoid his stern look. “Good boy,” He replied and patted me on my shoulder. His reply  prompted me to imbibe that Engineering was a great profession. Since that day, I tried to persuade myself to be an Engineer.This conversation marked a deep impression on me. I seriously  wanted to be an Engineer by the time I reached  to  +2 level.  

Today, I am an Engineer. I have already become what I once longed to be. However, I  feel something missing in my life. I still feel  I haven’t achieved a whit  of  my aim. I have come to  realize that  to be an Engineer  had never  been my aim. It can never be anyone’s aim indeed. I think, the word ‘aim’ is highly misunderstood by people. Doctors, Engineers  and all other professions  can't be referred to  as  an aim. Professions are merely a path through which we try to reach to our aim. The ultimate aim  of everyone has to be happiness. Profession is something through which we try to embrace happiness. One doesn’t  aim  to be a doctor  for nothing. His temptation of being doctor is driven by various other factors like money, social status, satisfaction of treating sick people and so on. All these factors are directly or indirectly linked with happiness, the ultimate aim of everyone.

Beatle's maestro, George Harrison always wanted to be musician form his childhood. At the age of 15, he became a member of most celebrated band of all time. He got huge stardom. People used to travel across thousand of miles just to get his one glimpse. He achieved much more than he would have ever desired. He should have been a very happy person. Ironically, he wasn't. He became suffocated with the brunt of stardom and publicity. He came to realize that being a superstar had  never been his aim. Then he started seeking happiness  at  every possible corner. During this process, he detached himself from stardom, learned yoga, joined a class of Indian classical music, came India to learn meditation  and tried many other tricks too. There is a song written by him that unveils  how  desperately he was craving for inner peace.

Give me love, give me love , give me peace on earth,

Give me light, give me life, keep me free from birth,

Give me hope, help me cope with this heavy load,

Trying to touch and reach  you with heart and soul.

His pursuit of inner peace made him immensely spiritual. He became a devotee of Lord Krishna and surrendered himself to almighty. Eventually, he was able to find inner peace. He finally got what he was seeking for through devotion for Krishna. However, it doesn’t mean that  everyone has to be devoted to Krishna for inner happiness. Devotion is necessary. 'To whom' does not simply matter. One can surrender oneself  to Jesus , Buddha or anyone as per one’s choice. Not only to spiritual figures, devotion can be towards any person or simply things. Vivekanada used to say that if one loves to play football, he should keep on playing football instead  of forcing himslef into chanting verses of Geeta. One should do what makes one happy. God resides in happy heart, not on heavy mind full of Mantras. 

Making love gives immense pleasure. The reason behind it is nothing but devotion. During the instant of making love, two persons are fully devoted to one another. When a person surrenders  himself, he ceases to exist for a moment and with him ceases all his troubles and worries. His mind becomes empty and empty mind leads to  the realm of happiness. Happiness can not lie in loaded mind.  A man  doesn’t  attain orgasm with a prostitute. Why is it so? Sex is there too, what is  missing then? The only thing missing is devotion. Prostitute is simply doing her duty and a man is just getting reward for his payment. No one surrenders. There is no love and trust. We  can not surrender ourselves to someone whom  we do not  trust and there's no peace without surrender.

I don’t find it absurd when a person  bows down in front of stone thinking it to be God. It is better to surrender to stone than to yearn for whole life in search of happiness. Peace lies in the feeling of surrendering, no matter to whom or what. When we surrender, our mind stops functioning. Once the mind stops functioning, there is pure bliss. In my opinion, practice of idol worship must have been established by some truly intelligent people in past. They must have known that people of future would be too pompous and skeptic to surrender to one another. That’s why they created statue and told us that it is god, so that we would at least surrender ourselves  to stone, if not to a living person. 

Cricket & Me

6 June 2013, ICC Champions trophy kicks off. I stay raptly in front of TV screen. It’s India Vs South Africa, two giants of International cricket. South Africa wins the toss and elects to field first. Two openers, Rohit Sharma and Shikhar Dhawan make their entrance to the ground. Entire stadium shakes up  with thunderous noise. Morne Morkel  strides behind the pitch counting his steps and takes a run up to throw his 1^st ball. Audiences roar once again expecting a boundary or may be a wicket depending upon their team. Sharma simply avoids  the ball. No run of 1^st ball. Stadium  fills with utter  silence.

Sharma and Dhawan build up  their inning slowly. Few overs later, they begin to test themselves with some brilliant strokes after a  great show of solid defense. Ball rolls off the boundary in every alternate delivery, at least twice an over. Cricket is at its best. Ironically, I feel cheated. I don’t  enjoy any shot. Tight running between the wicket does not stop my breath. I don’t find myself unconsciously standing from my chair in ecstasy. I miss something. Something  very very special. I miss my childhood hero Sachin Tendulkar.

I was in Hyderabad when he announced his retirement from ODIs. Suddenly, I saw Sachin Tendulkar trending world wide in Twitter and as I clicked on the name, I came across the news that left me perplexed  like never before. Never in my life had I been so much  disheartened. How could he? He does not  have right to. I  still want to see him. There are millions of people like me still wanting to see him. I had a childhood dream to see Sachin playing live in the filed. The dream shattered  within less than a minute. I had never  in my life felt so much betrayed.

Emerging player, Virat Kohli comes in after Rohit Sharma gets caught by Peterson. Show gets even better. Some square cut, some cover drive and few sweep shots , crowd in stadium  cheers for all of that. However, I lose my concentration. In my head, I start comparing  this Champions trophy 2013 with the Champions trophy 2000, from when I'd started watching cricket. I was in class 6 then.  Australia was led  by the great Steve Waugh, India by Sourav Ganguly , New Zealand by Stephen Fleming and Sri Lanka by Jayasuriya.  Yuvraj Singh and Zaheer Khan were playing in International  platform  for the first time. What a tournament it was! Legends like Wasim Akram, Shane Warne, Shaun Pollock, Sachin Tendulkar  and many more fighting for the  same trophy. Those were the players who took Cricket to the different level. The legacy they gave to this sports is now trembling in the weak shoulders of youngsters  of  modern Cricket. Only few like Dhoni , Clarke and Sangakkara are capable enough to carry forward the legacy that has been bequeathed by those great players.No denial to the fact that still some world class players  do exist but the game of  cricket will never be same again. Will Ashes be as much interesting without Ponting, Gilchrist, Warne , Flintoff, Trescothick and Vaughan as it used to be with them  on field? Moreover, Sachin smashing Shane Warne straight over his head, Wasim Akram  swinging the ball and uprooting the middle stump , Johnty Rhodes coming from nowhere and taking a catch , these all are just a bunch of memory now .

31^st over ends. Dhawan is at 93, Kohli at 32. Kleinveldt  puts  32^nd over. Kohli is at strike. He takes single of 1^st  ball. Dhawan  shoves 2^nd ball to third man to take single. Kohli once again pushes the ball and gives strike to Dhawan.  Dhawan is at 94.  He reaches to 98 with  four. He completes his century in style with one more four towards  square leg. Crowd bubbles uncontrollably. Smile is seen all over stadium. Once again, I remember Sachin Tendulkar. He has done this 49 times in ODI and 51 times in Test. He has given reasons to smile for people more often  than any other  player in the history of cricket or any other sports. I used to feel my heart beat each time he would cross 90.  His century always brought a relief from a strange sort of pressure that I just can’t explain. Being a spectator,  I used to get nervous for  him .How  must  have he felt to carry a burden of billions’ hopes? He knew that uncountable eyes would stuck at him expecting him to play without making a bit of error every time he comes to bat .How much pressure he must have felt to bat on such circumstances? It’s something we can’t even imagine. He has carried this brunt for more than 20 years. Undoubtedly, he is the greatest . Not because statistics says so. It’s because  he was the conquerer of billion hearts. He was the reason for billion smiles.

These days , cricket is getting vulgar. T20 has ruined the beauty of game. Every alternate  good delivery gets a treatment of boundary. Until few years back, batsman used to  give respect to  good deliveries, defensing it with straight hand. Now a days, batsman swings with cross bat for each and every  delivery. If  he connects,  it’s boundary, if he misses ,it’s bowled.  A solid defense with a class of Dravid is now a myth. Once,  cricket used to be the game of skill and timing. Now it has turned out to be the game of strength and power. Stronger  one is, better batsman he becomes. Gayle and Pollard are few examples. I find gentle men’s game losing its charm . Recently,  Gambir and Kohli belonging to same national team lost  their temper and ran towards each other to wrestle in cricket field. Few years back, Bhajji slapped his own team mate Srisanth. Such activities adulterates the purity of game. People  have started saying that cricket is no more a gentle men’s game. Unfortunately, it’s true.

Shane Warne was my favourite bowler. I can’t explain how much bewildered I was  by the sight of batsman avoiding his bowl in leg side thinking that it would be wide and getting bowled in off stump after the stunning turn of almost 90 degrees. He was not just a bowler, he was a magician indeed. I always wished for his wicket unless the man in the crease was Sachin Tendulkar.  I started loving  Warne even more when he stated that he used to have nightmare of Sachin pounding  his spin. Although, my dream to watch Tendulkar playing ODI has  been shattered, I consider myself blessed to have a privilege of watching him play in Test match. It was  a match between India and Kiwis in Uppal stadium , Hyderabad. I had to buy a ticket on black to witness it. Sachin was on the crease when I entered into the stadium. Unfortunately, he got bowled in less than 5 minutes after my entrance. I could not see him play his trademark strokes. However, nobody can take  that 5 minutes away from me. It’s a moment that I will cherish through out my life.

Cricket has been part of my childhood more than anything else. If cricket is removed from my childhood, nothing  else  remains. I used to be an obstinate brat fighting with parents for no reasons. It was from Cricket, I learned some discipline. During my learning phase in Cricket , I used to swing my bat blindly trying each bowl  for a boundary. Later , I realized that it’s the game of patience and self control. It helped me a lot in my real life.Cricket taught me many things.I learnned to be calm through this game.At times, I used to see mirror with a bat in my hand and find myself more attractive and complete than I would look without  bat in my hand. Me and bat were not separate. It was  part of me.Those days, playing a cricket match used to be  the most thrilling experience. Winning a match meant like winning the whole world. Losing a match used to give deep frustration and insomnia for few nights. Managing a money to bet for a cricket match was the hardest thing to do. Prajit, one of my friends used to get 10 bucks per day for his tiffin. He used to save that money for matches. Unfortunately, my mom used to prepare tiffin for me  by herself. I had no means to manage the money for cricket matches. Prajit used to give  loan to other boys including me. In order to  pay him back ,I had to make  an agreement with my dad that I would get 2 bucks every morning  if I wake up at 6 and go to bring a packet of milk. Waking up early , specially in winter used to be  really daunting. I did it for more than 3 years.

By the time, I was in class 9, I was already a celebrated  player of my village. I used to be an opening batsman of my  team . No bowlers used to be in an opposition team, who didn’t fear to bowl against me. Fall of my wicket always  filled  ground with the wildest noise, a byproduct of opposition  celebrating my exit. By the time I was in class 10, I was not allowed to play against some weaker teams. They would agree to play with my team only if I were dropped. However, I always wanted to be connected to the game in any which way and umpiring was the only option left behind for me. I have done umpiring in more number of matches than I have ever played. During my +2, I used to get invitation from various  friends of other colleges to play for their teams. Most of the time, I rejected, as I was  afraid of myself  letting them down. Later, I got admission in IOE, Pulchowk for my BE.  It was always  a dream to study at IOE. Not because the college was highly reputed. Circular cricket ground inside IOE was the  only reason for my interest in this college.It was just a second day of  my college when I got chance to play at the national level field of Pulchowk campus. It was a match against Mechanical team. I went as an opening batsman and played an  unbeaten knock to chase the target. All boys of my faculty (Electrical) came towards me and congratulated me for my knock. I was already a famous guy in the class. Everyone knew my name only in second  day.

Change is the only constant. Things never remain same. With circumstances, I had to change myself. I completely stopped playing cricket from my 3^rd year of Engineering.  I hardly found myself free from vivas, assignments , assessments, projects, lab reports and exams. Getting 32 (pass marks) was the only thing we used to be concerned about. 4^th year fully went on making a final year project. By the time I finished my Engineering, I had already lost my authority over the game. Cricket bat was no more a part of me. I started feeling its weight. Me swinging bat was no more involuntary, it became mechanical. It seemed as if playing cricket had never been a part of my life. I felt like I was punished by game itself for ignoring it for a long time. Luckily, it did not matter much to me as I was an Engineer, not a Cricketer. However, I still play cricket whenever I get chance. Sometimes with the children of half of my age.These days, my bat hardly makes any good contact with the ball. Nevertheless, I still  enjoy playing cricket. I get immense pleasure in just holding a bat. It reminds me of my childhood. It brings back  reminiscences from the sweetest days of my life.

South Africa gets all out in 305 while chasing a total of 331. India wins the match. It makes no difference to me. I don’t feel anything for any team these days. Indian squad celebrates on the ground. I manage to find flaw in celebration too. No Dravid picking up the stumps. No Ganguly running  round the field in joy. No Sehwag giggling below hat. South African team drowns in frustration of loss. I don’t see Herschelle Gibbs annoyed by his own performance. No Pollock  regretting for his decision of batting 1^st. No glimpse of Boucher trying to hide his agony. I find myself so much attached to the cricket of bygone days that I can’t enjoy modern criket anymore. I switch off the TV, turn on my laptop, log in to Youtube.com and type "Sarjah final 1998, India Vs Australia" . I click on  1^st video link appearing on the screen. Shane Warne leaves a ball in air. Sachin takes front foot and strikes with straight bat. Ball rebounds in opposite direction. It’s six. Steve Waugh, Ricky Ponting, McGrath, Gilchrist, Bevan; all are in shock. Once again, I feel cricket.